Weebhunter3000
The Bee W Sea
(Original review)
The very first thing before starting the game was turning off those Reddit flowers that spout Marvel-tier one-liners at you every 5 seconds.
I've only played for about 3 hours but I think I have a good idea how the rest will play out.
Story
Bowser has finally had enough trying to get laid with Peach and has decided to go ER on a third-world country. It's your standard Mario plot really.
Sound & Music
It sucks. They tried too hard to make it le quirky and bouncy, as if they were trying to appeal to toddlers. There is nothing memorable or consistent like in Galaxy. Even New Super Mario Bros. had better music and that's saying something. And the sounds effects are all instrument noises and it gets grating real fast.
Graphics & Art
Still going for the toddler appeal. Lots of LGBT colors flying all over the place. It looks like everything is made of plastic which I assume is the fault of the new art style they were going for. The graphics themselves are slightly above mobile game level.
Gameplay
Bland and easy. Each level lasts for 2 minutes tops, unless you're going for the secrets. Which aren't really secret because the Reddit flowers will give you hints for most of them (You can't disable the text). The worst part is the difficulty is non-existent. You'll reach world 2 and maybe die once by falling into a pit because Mario controls like complete ass. It feels like he's jumping through molasses. Take Crash 4 in comparison, it feels snappy and responsive. You never feel you have to guess with your jumps. Can't say the same here.
The level design is as expected, it was designed with 4 players in mind so you get long stretches of platforms with nothing in between. So you're wasting a lot of time running through empty pastures like an idiot.
Conclusion
Final score: 4/10. The game is your run-of-the-mill goyslop. 93 on metacritic my ass they are all bought shills.
Updated Review:
I did everything in the game and it never got better. There were about 8 special stages and despite the developers claiming it was the hardest content they've ever made for Mario, it was fucking easy. There is no redeeming factor for this game even if you like collectathons because there is way too much tedium in replaying the same boring empty levels over and over again. Play The End Is Nigh instead.
2/10
The very first thing before starting the game was turning off those Reddit flowers that spout Marvel-tier one-liners at you every 5 seconds.
I've only played for about 3 hours but I think I have a good idea how the rest will play out.
Story
Bowser has finally had enough trying to get laid with Peach and has decided to go ER on a third-world country. It's your standard Mario plot really.
Sound & Music
It sucks. They tried too hard to make it le quirky and bouncy, as if they were trying to appeal to toddlers. There is nothing memorable or consistent like in Galaxy. Even New Super Mario Bros. had better music and that's saying something. And the sounds effects are all instrument noises and it gets grating real fast.
Graphics & Art
Still going for the toddler appeal. Lots of LGBT colors flying all over the place. It looks like everything is made of plastic which I assume is the fault of the new art style they were going for. The graphics themselves are slightly above mobile game level.
Gameplay
Bland and easy. Each level lasts for 2 minutes tops, unless you're going for the secrets. Which aren't really secret because the Reddit flowers will give you hints for most of them (You can't disable the text). The worst part is the difficulty is non-existent. You'll reach world 2 and maybe die once by falling into a pit because Mario controls like complete ass. It feels like he's jumping through molasses. Take Crash 4 in comparison, it feels snappy and responsive. You never feel you have to guess with your jumps. Can't say the same here.
The level design is as expected, it was designed with 4 players in mind so you get long stretches of platforms with nothing in between. So you're wasting a lot of time running through empty pastures like an idiot.
Conclusion
Final score: 4/10. The game is your run-of-the-mill goyslop. 93 on metacritic my ass they are all bought shills.
Updated Review:
I did everything in the game and it never got better. There were about 8 special stages and despite the developers claiming it was the hardest content they've ever made for Mario, it was fucking easy. There is no redeeming factor for this game even if you like collectathons because there is way too much tedium in replaying the same boring empty levels over and over again. Play The End Is Nigh instead.
2/10
