Gaming Abandon rationality all who enter: Steam reviews

[Liquid Chud]

I am an avid reviewer but damn, the average steam review is HORRIBLE.
>modern game
The same 5 karma farming memes and forced gpt-like "eloquent" reviews about how good the newest flavor of the month is
>meme game
"Lol, this game is better than skyrim and gta65! epic win!" (he's buying some crypto miner or dogshit by white trash to make a quick buck)
>niche game
Well I haven't looked at one in a while but it tends to be a mixture of filtered actual braindead retards, trannies overhyping some mediocre game, and people saying the pros and cons of the game. Still, expect a lot of unfunny reddit humor

I will say the best ones are the ones saying if the port is shit or not. They're 90% of the time very objective on if the version of the game is inferior.

 

[Weebhunter3000]

---{ Graphics }---
☐ You forget what reality is
☐ Beautiful
☐ Good
☐ Decent
☐ Bad
☑ Don‘t look too long at it
☐ MS-DOS

---{ Gameplay }---
☑ Very good
☐ Good
☐ It's just gameplay
☐ Mehh
☐ Watch paint dry instead
☐ Just don't

---{ Audio }---
☐ Eargasm
☐ Very good
☑ Good
☐ Not too bad
☐ Bad
☐ I'm now deaf

---{ Audience }---
☑ Kids
☑ Teens
☑ Adults
☐ Grandma

---{ PC Requirements }---
☑ Check if you can run paint
☐ Potato
☐ Decent
☐ Fast
☐ Rich boi
☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer

---{ Game Size }---
☐ Floppy Disk
☑ Old Fashioned
☐ Workable
☐ Big
☐ Will eat 15% of your 1TB hard drive
☐ You will want an entire hard drive to hold it
☐ You will need to invest in a black hole to hold all the data

---{ Difficulty }---
☐ Just press 'W'
☐ Easy
☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☑ Significant brain usage
☐ Difficult
☐ Dark Souls

---{ Grind }---
☐ Nothing to grind
☑ Only if u care about leaderboards/ranks
☐ Isn't necessary to progress
☐ Average grind level
☐ Too much grind
☐ You'll need a second life for grinding

---{ Story }---
☐ No Story
☐ Some lore
☐ Average
☐ Good
☐ Lovely
☑ It'll replace your life

---{ Game Time }---
☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee
☐ Short
☑ Average
☐ Long
☐ To infinity and beyond

---{ Price }---
☐ It's free!
☐ Worth the price
☑ If it's on sale
☐ If u have some spare money left
☐ Not recommended
☐ You could also just burn your money

---{ Bugs }---
☐ Never heard of
☐ Minor bugs
☑ Can get annoying
☐ ARK: Survival Evolved
☐ The game itself is a big terrarium for bugs

---{ ? / 10 }---
☐ 1
☐ 2
☐ 3
☐ 4
☐ 5
☐ 6
☐ 7
☐ 8
☑ 9
☐ 10

Find me a review format worse than this.

 

[panchito]

---{ Graphics }---
☐ You forget what reality is
☐ Beautiful
☐ Good
☐ Decent
☐ Bad
☑ Don‘t look too long at it
☐ MS-DOS

---{ Gameplay }---
☑ Very good
☐ Good
☐ It's just gameplay
☐ Mehh
☐ Watch paint dry instead
☐ Just don't

---{ Audio }---
☐ Eargasm
☐ Very good
☑ Good
☐ Not too bad
☐ Bad
☐ I'm now deaf

---{ Audience }---
☑ Kids
☑ Teens
☑ Adults
☐ Grandma

---{ PC Requirements }---
☑ Check if you can run paint
☐ Potato
☐ Decent
☐ Fast
☐ Rich boi
☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer

---{ Game Size }---
☐ Floppy Disk
☑ Old Fashioned
☐ Workable
☐ Big
☐ Will eat 15% of your 1TB hard drive
☐ You will want an entire hard drive to hold it
☐ You will need to invest in a black hole to hold all the data

---{ Difficulty }---
☐ Just press 'W'
☐ Easy
☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☑ Significant brain usage
☐ Difficult
☐ Dark Souls

---{ Grind }---
☐ Nothing to grind
☑ Only if u care about leaderboards/ranks
☐ Isn't necessary to progress
☐ Average grind level
☐ Too much grind
☐ You'll need a second life for grinding

---{ Story }---
☐ No Story
☐ Some lore
☐ Average
☐ Good
☐ Lovely
☑ It'll replace your life

---{ Game Time }---
☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee
☐ Short
☑ Average
☐ Long
☐ To infinity and beyond

---{ Price }---
☐ It's free!
☐ Worth the price
☑ If it's on sale
☐ If u have some spare money left
☐ Not recommended
☐ You could also just burn your money

---{ Bugs }---
☐ Never heard of
☐ Minor bugs
☑ Can get annoying
☐ ARK: Survival Evolved
☐ The game itself is a big terrarium for bugs

---{ ? / 10 }---
☐ 1
☐ 2
☐ 3
☐ 4
☐ 5
☐ 6
☐ 7
☐ 8
☑ 9
☐ 10

Find me a review format worse than this.

i rarely see this one nowadays probably because it reeks too much of plebbit

 

[Spas]

---{ Post topic }---
☐ Great potential for discussion
☐ Interesting
☑ It's slightly above small talk
☐ Watercooler talk
☐ SNCA

---{ Contents }---
☐ High philosophy
☐ Thought provoking
☑ Kept my attention
☐ Boring
☐ Open it and scroll down so it's no longer on "what's new"

---{ Eloquence }---
☐ Avant garde writing
☐ Well articulated
☑ Readable
☐ Just about intelligible
☐ Needs an interpreter

---{ Sincerity }---
☐ A man pouring his heart out
☑ Sincere opinion
☐ Some irony
☐ Hard to tell what's serious
☐ Bait

---{ Length }---
☐ You'll need to dedicate an afternoon to get through it
☐ Verbose but worth reading
☐ Somewhat lengthy
☑ Concise
☐ Text didn't reach the other end of the screen
☐ It's just a picture

---{ ? / 10 }---
☐ 1
☐ 2
☐ 3
☐ 4
☐ 5
☑ 6
☐ 7
☐ 8
☐ 9
☐ 10

 

[panchito]

---{ Post topic }---
☐ Great potential for discussion
☐ Interesting
☑ It's slightly above small talk
☐ Watercooler talk
☐ SNCA

---{ Contents }---
☐ High philosophy
☐ Thought provoking
☑ Kept my attention
☐ Boring
☐ Open it and scroll down so it's no longer on "what's new"

---{ Eloquence }---
☐ Avant garde writing
☐ Well articulated
☑ Readable
☐ Just about intelligible
☐ Needs an interpreter

---{ Sincerity }---
☐ A man pouring his heart out
☑ Sincere opinion
☐ Some irony
☐ Hard to tell what's serious
☐ Bait

---{ Length }---
☐ You'll need to dedicate an afternoon to get through it
☐ Verbose but worth reading
☐ Somewhat lengthy
☑ Concise
☐ Text didn't reach the other end of the screen
☐ It's just a picture

---{ ? / 10 }---
☐ 1
☐ 2
☐ 3
☐ 4
☐ 5
☑ 6
☐ 7
☐ 8
☐ 9
☐ 10

we WILL be using this from now on