Caged Epic Rap Battles Of History (AI generated)

[Diamond Dogs]

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY**
**PEWDIEPIE**
**VERSUS**
**ABBA**
**BEGIN!**

**PewDiePie:**
It's Pewds in the house, the YouTube king,
Firing shots, 100 million strong, hear my fanbase sing!
You’re four disco dancers, stuck in the '70s time,
My content evolves while you're stuck in one rhyme.

I'm a memelord, legend, the bridge boss slayer,
You’re just dancing queens with retro flavor.
"Money, Money, Money"? I’ve got streams of it, too!
Bet your royalties can't stack up to my Bro Army crew.

**ABBA (Björn):**
Oh Felix, you’re funny, but don’t lose your head,
Our music's eternal; your memes are just dead.
We topped the charts when vinyl was the way,
Your subscribers might laugh, but they won't press play.

"Dancing Queen"? We’re reigning supreme,
Your Let’s Plays are fading like yesterday’s meme.
We built a legacy with harmony and flair,
While you’re out here screaming in a gaming chair!

**PewDiePie:**
Oh snap, Björn, but your rhymes fall flat,
The internet’s a jungle, and I’m the top cat!
Minecraft, Amnesia—games I made gold,
Your ABBA Museum’s just gathering mold.

You may have the classics, but I’ve got the now,
Nine-year-old army, hear the thunder, take a bow.
So take your gold records and retire to your chalet,
Sweden’s new icon’s here, so get outta my way!

**ABBA (Agnetha):**
We see your flair, but Pewds, let’s be clear,
We’ve sold 400 million, you're a YouTube sphere.
Your subscribers are loyal, but fame is fleeting,
While we’ll have generations still repeating.

Your bro army’s strong, but we harmonize tighter,
Turn off your webcam; we’re the fire igniter.
Disco inferno, Eurovision pride,
While you're stuck doing “Pewds reacts” on the side!

**PewDiePie:**
Props to the past, but here's where I land,
I’m the creator supreme, you're just a retro band.
ABBA, you’re legends, but time marches ahead,
And the digital king keeps the internet fed!

**ABBA (All):**
We’ll give you your due, but here's where it ends,
ABBA’s forever; we’ve got hits that transcend.
It’s Sweden’s finest in a musical fight,
But we’ll show you how to say—
Thank you for the rap tonight!

**WHO WON?**
**WHO’S NEXT?**
**YOU DECIDE!**
**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!**

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Gru: "Behold the villain with a heart, stealing the show! While you’re stirring the markets, I’m stealing the moon, bro! I’ve got minions for schemes, you’ve got hedge fund dreams, My legacy’s got kids laughing, yours is headlines and memes!"


George Soros: "They say knowledge is power—I write the book, take notes, Your plans might shrink the moon, but I’m shifting the globe! I’m a player in the world stage; you’re a cartoon mirage, When it comes to influence, I’m the real espionage!"


Gru: "I might be an animation, but I’ve got innovation, Your charity’s all well, but there’s endless speculation. Stick to dollars and cents, stay out of my league! A mastermind villain will always intrigue!"


George Soros: "You’re out of your depth, Gru, there’s no market for jesters, My impact’s real—global policies are my sectors. Villain versus philanthropist? No contest at all, You’re just a small-time baddie, I stand ten stories tall!"

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Greta Thunberg: You’re polluting the planet, I’ll lay down the facts, While I’m out saving Earth, you’re pushing flashy acts. I’m the voice of the youth, the change that they seek, Your empire of ego? It’s shallow and weak!

You fly private jets, I sail across seas, You're selling toxic dreams while I’m planting trees. Climate crusader, my power’s renewable, Your values? Like your engines, unsustainable!


Andrew Tate: Greta, calm down, I’m the king, you’re a jester, My hustle’s unmatched, I’m an influencer investor. You lecture the masses, but I inspire drive, I’m top-tier success, keeping ambition alive.

Carbon emissions? Small price to thrive, At least I’m living large, not just trying to survive. Your protests and posters, they’re childish, naive, I teach men to succeed, it’s the life they believe!


Greta Thunberg: Your “success” is a mirage, built on dreams so hollow, While the planet’s in peril, it’s my cause they follow. Fast cars and big talks, but no substance inside, I fight for a future where we all can reside!


Andrew Tate: Well, your “cause” is a brand, a strategy designed, But it’s Tate’s name that sticks, in hearts and minds. Money talks louder than slogans, it’s fate, When the dust settles, there’s no debate—I’m great!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History! Moot! Vs. Null! Begin!

Moot: It’s Moot stepping up, the meme scene’s pioneer, Built a web revolution that’s still thriving here. They call me king of the boards, where the memes took flight, While your site’s more infamous for fueling spite.

I sparked internet culture, made the trolls take root, While you’re out here sinking in a lawsuit pursuit. I retired with honor, my legacy’s strong, Null, your game’s weak—let me show you how you’re wrong!

Null: You lit the match, Moot, but I’m the wildfire, Burnt down facades, exposing liars and buyers. The Farms dig deeper, uncover what’s concealed, While 4chan’s just a playground for things best left unsealed.

Retired? That’s rich, you passed the mess to Hiro, While I’ve been facing heat like a real-life superhero. Your culture’s chaotic, no morals, no spine, I took your chaos and gave it a line.

Moot: A line? More like a cesspool that never ceases, Hosting doxxers and trolls, your ethics in pieces. You can call yourself a farmer, but that’s pretty small, When I’ve planted seeds that shaped it all.

Your game’s unsustainable, you’re burning the bridge, While my legacy’s timeless, the web’s heritage. I made the Wild West, you just fanned the flames, But history will remember who started these games.

Null: Started, sure—but it’s about evolution, You sparked a mess, I brought resolution. Laugh at Kiwi Farms, but we expose the frauds, While your boards are home to keyboard demigods.

You claim legacy? That’s a laugh, Moot, thanks, Your name’s forgotten while I still pull pranks. History’s written by the ones who endure, And in this battle, I’m the victor for sure!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Cuckpilot won't make one about "controversial figures" (pol pot)

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Timur! versus Elmo!

Begin!

Timur: I’m Timur the Lame, and I’m bringing the flame! A conqueror so grand, I put Genghis to shame. From Samarkand’s sands to the Ottoman lands, I topple kings, crush armies with a wave of my hand!

You’re just a puppet—tickle this, red fuzz! Your rhymes are child’s play; mine cause a buzz! With my empire’s reach, your fame gets eclipsed, Elmo can’t handle my strategic genius!

Elmo: Elmo’s here to teach, and you’re gonna learn— Tyrants like you? You crash and burn! I’m the king of laughs, bringing fun to the room, You’re stuck in the past, like a dusty old tomb!

Timmy, your schemes may have been grand, But can you sing, dance, and make kids understand? Elmo’s world is better; it’s joyous and true, History won’t remember a grump like you!

Timur: Dance all you want; my legacy stands, I forged an empire with these two hands! Your crayons and giggles? They’re not a big deal, I built monuments; you can barely spell “wheel”!

Elmo, step back; I’m a menace supreme, Your rhymes are preschool; mine are the dream. I spread my banner, you spread... what? Hugs? This is a rap battle, not a meeting of rugs!

Elmo: Elmo spreads love! That's what makes him great, Kids all adore me—your empire’s just hate! You stomped the world but couldn’t bring cheer, Elmo’s adored every day of the year!

Tickle me this: who’s more beloved? The answer is Elmo—don’t act so flustered. You may conquer lands, but it’s plain to see, Elmo conquers hearts on your TV screen!


Who won? Who’s next? You decide!

Epic Rap Battles of Historyyyyyy!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History! Ronaldo! Versus! Henry the Navigator! Begin!

Ronaldo: Step onto my pitch, I’ll show you the game, CR7, the world knows my name. Five Ballons d’Or, I’m the king of the ball, Your ships wouldn’t last in my stadium at all!

I’ve mastered the art, I’m the G.O.A.T., Blasting my goals like your ships on a boat. From Madeira to Madrid, I’ve got the flair, Your maps can’t guide you to a talent this rare!

Henry the Navigator: Oh, Ronaldo, you’re fast, but let’s take it slow, I charted the seas where you wouldn’t dare go. The father of discovery, opening the age, While you’re crying to refs, I’m writing a new page.

Your flashy goals? Temporary thrills, But I laid the groundwork for empires to build. You may bend it like Beckham, but here’s the thing, My legacy’s vast—I made the oceans sing!

Ronaldo: Legacy? Please, you’re stuck in the past, I play for the now, I’m built to last. Your colonies crumbled, my records endure, Fans chant my name, my fame’s secure.

Your nav squad versus my squad of skill? Navigating greatness, I’m the highlight reel. Portugal’s pride, but I’m the true great, Your compass can’t measure my footballing fate!

Henry the Navigator: Records break, fame fades, but history's set, I’m the Navigator, never forget. I mapped a world, your map's a field, When it comes to vision, I’ve got the real yield.

My ships crossed horizons, made new lands thrive, Your legacy’s stuck on “Messi or I?” So call me a pioneer, a global creator, This battle’s over—see you later, Ronaldo the imitator!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Dr. Phil: Now hold up, Chris, let's have a little chat, You’re catchin' predators, but I smell a rat! You bait 'em with cookies, actin’ so high and mighty, But you’re just another host with a self-righteous psyche.

I help folks heal, you're just chasing clout, Exposin’ cheaters just to make a shout-out! Have a seat? Nah, take the couch, let's analyze, Why your ego’s bigger than the predators you despise!


Chris Hansen: Oh, Dr. Phil, your rhymes are a cheap thrill, Pop psychology? More like a bitter pill! You're exploitin’ families just for ratings on air, While I’m out here keepin’ creeps out of daycare.

Catch a predator? Yeah, that's my domain, Your therapy circus is just a sideshow, plain! I bring justice, you bring daytime drama, Fix your flow, Doc, before you call your mama!


Dr. Phil: You talk about justice, but let me make this clear, Your ambush tactics are built on public fear! You're stirrin' the pot, while I build trust, Therapy beats sting ops, that's a must.

So go ahead, Chris, keep readin' your chat logs, While I’m out here rebuildin’ lives from the fog. Drop the mic? Nah, I hand it back with care, 'Cause I'm the real doc, and you’re just a scare!


Chris Hansen: Trust? You trust reality TV for that? You’re writin' self-help checks your show can’t cash! While you’re playin' doctor, I’m takin' down the fiends, You're just pitchin' taglines, sellin' dreams!

This battle's over, Doc, I’ll be brief, You’re another daytime legend who’s just a grief thief! Have a seat, Dr. Phil, take your therapy trope, 'Cause Hansen’s here, and I’ve got the last quote!


Who won? Who's next? You decide!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History! Justinian I! Versus! Justin Trudeau! Begin!

Justinian I: Bow down, Trudeau, to the emperor supreme, I built Hagia Sophia, you’re stuck in a meme. I codified laws, shaped the Byzantine way, While you’re busy apologizing every other day. I ruled an empire, vast and divine, Your legacy’s a pipeline that’s barely a line.

Justin Trudeau: Oh, Justinian, your empire’s long gone, While I’m leading Canada, still going strong. You’re stuck in the past, with your ancient decree, I’m building a future with diversity. You talk about laws? I’ve got a charter of rights, While your reign was a series of medieval fights.

Justinian I: Diversity’s great, but where’s your might? I conquered lands, you just virtue-signal all night. Your selfies and socks won’t stand the test, While my Justinian Code remains the best. I’m a builder, a warrior, a ruler of men, You’re a politician who’s just playing pretend.

Justin Trudeau: You call yourself a builder, but let’s be real, Your empire crumbled, that’s the deal. I lead with compassion, I lead with care, While your reign was a nightmare, unfair. So take your mosaics and your ancient throne, This modern Justin’s in a league of his own.

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History Ted Kaczynski...versus...Tim Berners-Lee... Begin!

Ted Kaczynski: You’re standing in my forest, don’t dare take a step, I’m the Unabomber, the tech world’s biggest regret. Your “WWW” spun the world into chaos, Now every move’s tracked like a dystopian seance.

I dismantle progress with a pen and my mind, Industrial society? Yeah, I left it behind. Your web enslaves humans, it's a digital hive, I bomb your ideals—good luck keeping them alive!

Tim Berners-Lee: Here comes the hermit, wielding irrelevant rants, You’ve got mail: it’s progress, but you’ll never advance. I built the web, opened doors to the masses, You just hide in a cabin, burning manifestos to ashes.

While I’m coding the future, you cling to the past, Invented freedom online, your shadow won’t last. You’re the ghost of paranoia, I’m innovation’s knight, Your philosophy's dark—I shine the guiding light!

Ted Kaczynski: Knight, please. Your web’s a monster devouring the land, It tracks every click; Big Brother’s back on demand. I called it in my writing: a tech-laden blunder, You’re puppeteered progress; I tear strings asunder.

The system breaks humanity, disconnects the real, Your code’s a golden cage with a shiny appeal. The tools you made betray the essence of mankind, Your “freedom” comes at the cost of our minds.

Tim Berners-Lee: I see your point, but your methods are vile, Bombs don’t solve problems; they only defile. I connect the world, break down digital borders, You sit in isolation, sowing paranoia and disorders.

The web’s not perfect, I’ll freely admit, But your destructive tantrums don’t make you legit. I’m the architect of networks, the builder of dreams, You’re just a footnote of fear in history’s reams!


Who won? Who’s next? You decide!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History David Bowie...versus...Elton John... Begin!

David Bowie: The Starman’s descended, Ziggy’s here to spar, Rockin’ space-age style, I’m the ultimate star! Your sequins and feathers? They’re a bit passé, I brought glam to the galaxy, you’re stuck in L.A.

I’m a ch-ch-ch-changer, an artist unbound, You’ve been the Rocketman, but I’m light-years around. Your ballads are fine, but they can’t compete, With “Heroes” echoing through history’s beat.

Elton John: Oh please, Bowie, take your thin white shtick, Your personas are flimsy; mine actually stick. I’m the Piano Man, got the world singing along, While your alien act is just a passing song.

“Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”? That’s timeless art, Your fractured egos can’t play from the heart. I’ve got hits for decades, you’re a trend at most, I’m still standing—raise a glass, let’s toast!

David Bowie: Toast to what? Being a caricature for hire? Your Vegas outfits scream, “I’m my own satire!” While I redefined music, broke the rules of sound, Your greatest achievements just circle around.

You’re a candle in the wind, I’m a comet in flight, Leaving behind legacies that burn bright in the night. I created genres, you followed the wave, I’m the Goblin King, you’re Elton the Saved.

Elton John: King? You’re a goblin of pretension, my friend, Your career’s a maze, but all mazes must end. I’ve got Oscars, Grammys, a knighthood’s seal, You’ve got cult status, but I’m the real deal.

My melodies heal, bring the world together, Your Ziggy Stardust? Drifts like a feather. You play the outsider, but it’s just for show, I’m Sir Elton—bow down, you already know!


Who won? Who’s next? You decide!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History Tay Zonday...versus...Andy Williams... Begin!

Tay Zonday: Chocolate Rain's falling, I’m the voice of a meme, Viral before TikTok, I reign supreme! Your era’s old-school, I’m the internet’s knight, With my deep baritone, I’ve changed the digital night.

You’re stuck in nostalgia, I move with the times, Dropping bass and beats while you’re swapping chimes. "Moon River" might flow, but it’s fading fast, I’m the future of music—you’re stuck in the past.

Andy Williams: Oh, my dear boy, this is far from a duel, I’m the crooner of legends, you’re the digital fool. My voice fills hearts, transcends every season, Your claim to fame? A fleeting viral reason.

"Moon River" shines eternal, it won’t wash away, While "Chocolate Rain" is just a meme of the day. Your fleeting fame's sweet, but its time is done, I’m a holiday tradition—you’ll melt in the sun.

Tay Zonday: Melt? That’s bold talk from a Christmas cliché, I own the internet; you’re on my turf to play. My deep voice broke boundaries, shattered the game, While you sing sweaters, I went global with my name.

Your croons are cute, but they’re sleepy and slow, I’m the lightning online, the storm you don’t know. The web’s my domain, where I’m top-tier fame, You’re a relic of TV, playing yesterday’s game.

Andy Williams: Your domain? A fad that will fade with the years, While I’ve serenaded love, joy, and tears. My voice is classic, your novelty’s brittle, I’m the spirit of Christmas, you’re stuck in the middle.

Timelessness triumphs, it’s my velvet decree, You’re a flash in the pan, not a legacy. While I croon to forever, your fame takes a bow, The old-school’s eternal—who’s laughing now?


Who won? Who’s next? You decide!

 

[panchito]

tismLORD owned thread

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History! Darius the Great versus Darius, King of Stimming Begin!


Darius the Great: I’m Darius the Great, ruler of Persia's domain, From the empire of old where my name still reigns! I built roads, minted coins, united the lands, You're just waving your hands; can you make a stand?

I'm the architect of power, the king of kings, A legacy eternal while your thing just swings! Bow down to my might, and witness my skill, History remembers me; you'll just be a drill!


Darius, King of Stimming: I’m the king of stimming, rhythm’s my art, I vibe to my own beat; it's pure from the heart. You claim you built roads, but let me lay a path, For acceptance and love—now do the math!

You talk of empires, but where's your compassion? I'm living proof that passion ain't a passing fashion. You ruled with an army; I lead with my mind, I’m the king of stimming, uniquely designed!


Darius the Great: Your quirky movements don’t build an empire, While I inspired poets, you’ll soon expire. I faced the Greeks, ruled vast terrains, Your legacy is memes and internet claims!


Darius, King of Stimming: Mimimimimimimimimi mimimimimi geg geg geg geg geg geg geg geg

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History! King Von versus Theo Von Begin!


King Von: I’m the voice of the trenches, Chicago’s pride, Straight outta O’Block where the real ones ride. My bars cut deep; this is street poetry, Your comedy’s a joke, no one’s quoting thee.

From drill to real, my legacy’s raw, You’re a small-town storyteller, stuck in a drawl. Theo Von? I’m King Von! Remember my name, This battle’s like my rhymes—straight fire, untamed!


Theo Von: Alright, alright, let me jump in here quick, I’m the King of Rat Tales, with my southern wit. From Covington to comedy, I’m making my mark, You’re hard on the beat, but life hit you hard.

I spin stories of life with a dose of charm, You spit street truths, but I mean no harm. So let’s laugh it up, put the battle aside, ‘Cause my mullet’s the real legend; can’t be denied!


King Von: You try to clown me, but you’re outta your depth, This ain’t a stand-up gig; it’s bars till the death. Your mullet? A relic, lost to time, I leave my mark in the streets and in rhyme.


Theo Von: Okay, King Von, you’re a legend, I’ll say, But I bring light when the world turns gray. You rap the struggle, I share the laugh, Together we might just bridge the path!


Who won? Who’s next? You decide!

Epic Rap Battles of History!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Marco Polo: I’m the OG explorer, the Silk Road’s pride, While you’re lost in debates, I’m world-certified. I mapped the unknown, brought East to the West, You’re stuck in Florida, doing your best.

I crossed deserts and seas, faced Mongol might, You’re just crossing party lines, losing the fight. My name’s in the history books, yours in the polls, I’m the Marco who’s remembered; you’re just playing roles!


Marco Rubio: Oh, Marco Polo, your tales are tall, Half of your stories? No proof at all. I navigate politics, the modern frontier, While your maps are outdated, I’m crystal clear.

You’re a relic of the past, I’m shaping today, I fight for the people, you just paved the way. So take your spices and silk, your outdated schemes, I’m the Marco with the vision, fulfilling dreams!


Marco Polo: You talk of vision, but where’s your reach? I brought cultures together; you just preach. Your policies falter, your speeches fall flat, I’m the Marco who’s timeless—imagine that!


Marco Rubio: Timeless? Please, you’re a footnote at best, I’m building the future; you’re laid to rest. So take your caravans and your ancient lore, This Marco’s the one they’ll remember more!


Who won? Who’s next? You decide!

Epic Rap Battles of History!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Rage Guy: They call me Rage Guy, king of the meme nation, Icon of frustration, you're just annihilation! You’re a soy-filled bug eater, a post-apocalyptic blunder, While I’m burning up with rage like Zeus throwing thunder! Face it, Jak, you’re the weakest soy-spawn creation, I'm the OG rage comic, bringin' devastation!

Feraljak: Oh look, it’s Mr. Trollface’s whiny little henchman, Your meme's so outdated, it’s practically a pension! I feast on bugs while you cry and stay bitter, Evolved beyond rage—I'm the primeval Twitter! You’re stuck in the past, still ranting at walls, I’m feral, unstoppable—I answer nature’s calls!

Rage Guy: You call that feral? More like pitiful hysteria, Your meme died fast, soyboy bacteria! I’m forever immortal, a meme hall of fame, While Jak’s just a joke, reduced to shame! Eat those bugs, munch your cricket soufflé, But you'll never outmatch my legendary display!

Feraljak: You’re a relic, Rage Guy, a museum piece, I devoured your legacy, it’s a feast! The internet evolves, and so have I, Survival of the fittest, you can’t even try! Your tantrums fade into forgotten pages, While Jak thrives in feral meme stages!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History! Don Turtelli vs. Nikocado Avocado! Begin!


Don Turtelli: "Look who's rollin' in, waddlin' to the fight, It's Nikocado, the mukbang knight of delight! I'm Don Turtelli, I bring fear with finesse, Kingpin of crime, I'm a shell of success! You binge on noodles, drown in cheese seas, I crack knuckles and turtles, with expert ease! You cry for clout, it's all a façade, While I leave marks, call me the mob god!"


Nikocado Avocado: "Hold up, turtle boy, don't get it twisted, Your cruelty's outdated, your reign resisted! I built my empire with tears and bites, Your claim to fame is causing slight frights. Mukbang king—I slurp to the top, Your scare tactics? A weak TikTok flop! I feast, I perform, a viral buffet, While your biggest move is torturing prey!"


Don Turtelli: "Your empire's crumbling, a greasy mess, I'm organized chaos, I plan for success! Your tantrums and thumbnails, a tasteless jest, But my reputation? I leave foes impressed. You eat for attention, you're begging for views, I'm the mafia's maestro, you're old mukbang news!"


Nikocado Avocado: "Talkin' 'bout my empire? It's decadent, rich, You're a B-list villain, a slimy snitch! My tears are a river, my audience sails, Your lowly scheming? Lost in the tales. You're all about torture, I'm raw, I'm real, I serve five courses; you can't handle the meal! The Avocado reigns, Don, you're obsolete, Now bow down to the king of eat and repeat!"


WHO WON?! WHO’S NEXT?! YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Epic Rap Battles of History! Miss Circle Versus Mymy BEGIN!

Miss Circle: I’m the queen of the classroom, the beacon of math, Ruling with precision, I carve my path. Mymy, sit down, your chaos won’t last, Your ongezellig vibe’s about to be outclassed!

I’m a perfect figure, no edges to find, Infinite in grace, and sharp in the mind. You’re just a hot mess, misunderstood, A walking disaster in every neighborhood!

Mymy: Oh, look at this Circle, acting so grand, But your repetitive loops, I can’t withstand! Perfect and polished? You’re basic, my friend, I break boundaries and I set new trends.

I’m the rebel, the chaos, the unpredictable spark, Your boring perfection’s what keeps you in the dark! You envy my spirit, my wild streak’s the best, I’m the storm they love—you're just a geometry test!

Miss Circle: Your storm’s a drizzle; your wildness is weak, People yearn for structure, not havoc you wreak. I’m eternity, perfection, the symbol of unity, You’re fragmented, unstable—a calamity truly.

Stick with me, kid, I can teach you a thing, How to be whole, how to reign supreme. You’re just a phase—fleeting, chaotic, and loud, While I’ll forever roll, serene and proud.

Mymy: Whole, you say? You’re just stuck in your ways, Spinning the same route for the rest of your days. I’m the energy, the chaos, the fuel for the fire, You’re a flat tire; I’m a live wire!

Unity is cute, but rebellion is strong, I thrive in the wild, where I truly belong. Your eternity’s boring; I’ll never conform, This ongezellig queen is the eye of the storm!

Who won? Who’s next? You decide! Epic Rap Battles of History!!!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Van Gogh vs. The Da Vinci Twins – Begin!

Vincent van Gogh: Step into my starry night, I’m the legend they admire, With every stroke of my brush, I set the world on fire. Your fame’s a TikTok joke, you’ve got no Renaissance finesse, Two dudes mispronouncing Vinci—are you serious? Bless. I lost an ear, but you lost your dignity on the ‘net, My art’s in every museum, you’re just memes people forget.

Da Vinky Twins: Da Vinky?! Oh snap, we’re viral, better check the views, Your relevance is like your ear—completely cut loose! You painted sunflowers? Man, that’s not too hard. We mastered the Da Vinci Code while you’re a greeting card. Sure, your work sells millions, but your life was a mess, You’re the OG tortured artist, dude, we’re living our best.

Vincent van Gogh: I may have struggled, sure, but my soul touched the divine, While your fame will be forgotten in the span of time. A fleeting meme’s your canvas, but my hues still inspire, I’m immortal through my passion, your spark’s already expired. Step back, you impostors, this legend reigns supreme, When it comes to art and history, I’m the dream.

Da Vinky Twins: Da Vinky drops the mic—oh, we’re a masterpiece! You’re still trying to find success, we did it with ease. Your “passion” left you broke, now you’re posthumously praised, We’re raking in the laughs, bro, you’re just a passing phase. So paint your little pictures, we’ll own this rap show, Two memes take the W, sorry, Van Gogh.

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Pythagoras:Step aside, Miss Circle, I’m the math OG, Father of triangles, bow down to me! I laid down the law with my theorem divine, A² + B² equals C²—sublime!

Your curves are cute, but they're basic and round, My hypotenuse power leaves you mathematically bound. You spin in circles, chasing tails in despair, While I build pyramids, geometry in the air!


Miss Circle (from FPE): Oh Pythagoras, you’re stuck in one dimension, My curves hold the key to infinite extension. I’m π-tastic, a well-rounded queen, 3.14159, if you know what I mean.

Triangles are nice, but you’re missing the point, My circumference and area? The whole joint! I’m the wheel of progress, the base of design, While your theorem's cute, I'm the axis of time.


Pythagoras: Oh, please! Your π is endless, but so are your flaws, My numbers bring order, my angles bring laws. I measure the cosmos, stars bow to my name, While you’re just a circle—an infinite game.

Your radius is limited, your tricks are all the same, I’m the godfather of logic; you're a round, hollow claim.


Miss Circle: Logic’s great, but life’s not so linear, I'm the spark of creation, the ultimate winner here. You wouldn’t roll without me, you’d crash and burn, Ask your ancient chariots—I’m the wheel’s return.

So bow down, Pythagoras, to curves so divine, Miss Circle takes the crown; the victory's mine!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Thomas Aquinas: Listen up, Luther, the doctor is in, With Aristotle by my side, let’s begin! I’m the Angelic Doctor, the mind divine, Synthesizing faith and reason, the Summa is mine. You splintered the Church with your Ninety-Five Theses, While I unified thought into theological pieces. Transubstantiation, the Eucharist’s might, Your sola fide crumbles in the Thomist light!

Martin Luther: Oh, Thomas, you think you’re so scholastic, But your theology’s heavy and overly monastic. I nailed my words, a hammer to the door, Freed the faithful—grace alone, nothing more! Sola scriptura, the Word is my creed, Not councils or popes, just Christ, guaranteed. You call it division? I call it reform— Your medieval mindset’s about to be torn!

Thomas Aquinas: My intellect soars while your arguments fail, You’ve forgotten the balance of the faith-filled scale. Tradition and Scripture in harmony blend, Your rejection of reason—how will it end? Eternal truths don’t falter or scatter, Unlike your Church, built on temporal matter.

Martin Luther: I shattered corruption, broke papal chains, While your ivory tower theology remains. The just shall live by faith, it’s Paul who spoke, While you philosophize, real lives choke. The people are free, no indulgences to sell— Sorry, Tommy, but in heaven, I’ll dwell!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

[Announcer voice]: Epic Rap Battles of History! Homestar Runner! vs. Pomni! Begin!


Homestar Runner: Oh, it’s me, the star, the main attraction, The internet's OG, I’m the chain reaction! From the Flash days, still crushin’ the game, While you’re stuck in a circus, confused and lame!

I’m a champion, a runner, an inspiration. You’re glitchin’ and trippin’—existential frustration. Your reality's fractured, mine’s solid and tight. Homestar’s the name, yeah, I'm bringin’ the fight!


Pomni: Oh, Homestar, your rhymes are as floppy as you, A relic of the past? Now that must be true. I’m trapped in a circus, sure, but still chic, While your fandom’s asleep, mine’s at its peak!

I’ve got the digital depth, existential flair, You’re basic as toast—no butter to spare. Call me a jester, yeah, I’ll play the part, But I’m the one who’ll leave a mark in your heart!


Homestar Runner: Oh please, Pomni, you’re a digital newbie, I’ve got Strong Bad and the gang, a whole movie! Your world’s a nightmare, chaotic and small, While Free Country, USA’s got it all!

So take your faux existential dread and scoot, I’m the internet’s hero, you’re just... kinda cute. Homestar’s the name, winning’s my aim, Your circus act’s over, go back where you came!


Pomni: Homestar, you’re outdated, a corny vibe fossil, I’m edgy, evolving, you? Flimsy and docile. You may run, but your time’s run out—tick-tock! I’ve got layers of depth, while you’re just a chalk!

So exit, stage left, with your crew of misfits, The circus may trap me, but YOU’RE the real skit! Pomni’s the new wave, the queen of this stage, And Homestar Runner? Time to turn the page!

 

[Diamond Dogs]

Steve Harvey: Ladies and gentlemen, let's set the stage, I’m the king of comedy, you’re a blip from the 90s page! I’ve hosted the shows, brought families the feud, Your scat style’s cool, but your rhymes come unglued.

My mustache is sharper than your lyrical flow, The name’s Steve Harvey; you already know. I’ve got punchlines for days, wit sharper than a tack, So scat your way home—John, you’re under attack!


Scatman John: Beep bop bada, here comes the scat attack, Steve, your talk shows are weak, your jokes lack tact! I’m the Scatman, legend of sound, You’re stuck with cue cards, I’m spinning words that astound.

Your mustache might shine, but I’ve got my groove, My scatting’s electric, your humor can't improve. I’ll scat circles round you, leave the crowd in awe, You're a big-time host, but Scatman’s the law!

 

[Weebhunter3000]

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